Kids are getting dumber and it’s your fault.

A friend of mine works at a school, and every day they witness a horror show of stupidity exhibited by kids who should be learning at 3 times the rate compared to kids in the 90s or 2000s. At home, they’re pacified with tablets and phones so parents don’t have to deal with their constant questions and activities. After all, a 6-year-old can’t break an arm or roll in poison ivy if they never get off the couch, and whatever passes for answers are forthcoming from cartoon characters in short form video content, designed specifically for their blank little brains. The problem is that they remember barely any of it and most of it has no practical use. Roblox chat is not a suitable replacement for a teacher.

What’s more depressing is that the majority of the “conversations” of these pint-sized pinheads end up being brain rot memes and things they picked up from Instagram or TikTok while real life continues around them, unabated. Short videos that scratch the dopamine itch are far more preferable to laying under a tree and reading a novel. In fact, many of them can’t read at all.

Recent data shows a decline in academic performance and cognitive development among children, with standardized test scores in reading and math falling significantly in recent years. This trend, which reversed decades of rising IQ scores (the “Flynn Effect”), has been linked to pandemic-related disruptions, increased screen time, and reduced attention spans.

The pandemic had a far more devastating effect than just the death toll or a spike in the sale of tinfoil hats, and we’re seeing those results now. The disruption of society caused by Covid-19 wreaked havoc on the social skills of young children, as well as exacerbating behavioral issues. Little Billy keeps biting other kids because he’s practically feral. His socialization has been stunted. This kind of thing can happen with dogs too. We didn’t socialize our chihuahua and now she treats every human being like an imminent threat to her life, but in a perfect world, kids should be smarter and more well-behaved than a chihuahua.

The only thing worse than the cataclysmic breakdown of the societal norm for several years was the adults’ response to it: keep them distracted and never, ever, ever let them be bored. It’s been stated in many articles that kids don’t know how to be bored anymore, and that limits their need to build a personality or use their imaginations. In the kids’ defense, math sucks and has always sucked and I can’t blame a single one of them for not wanting to fuck around with long division. Remember when teachers would tell you “You won’t have a calculator with you all the time”? Yeah, that was a lie, and these kids are never without one so who’s laughing now?

I digress. All this turmoil comes at a time when teachers are paid criminally-low wages and are breaking down in tears trying to restore order to the chaos. This is not hyperbole – educators are crumbling under the pressure of a mountain of parent-imposed insanity. I’m surprised more parent/teacher conferences don’t end in assault. How long can you welcome a new flock of little idiots in the new school year and pretend you won’t need to up your Xanax prescription by week 2?

I’m personally very happy with my K-12 education. I’m no Neil deGrasse Tyson, but I have a healthy hunger for books, science and psychology. I can read without getting bored. I can look people in the eyes and have a conversation that doesn’t devolve into animalistic grunts and memes that will be replaced by lunch time.

What I and others are starting to suggest is that we crack down on “device” usage. It’s probably fair to say that some kids still harbor a healthy sense of curiosity and will rise above the bleeps, bloops and nauseatingly catchy YouTube channel theme songs and join the rest of us in the normal world, but without intervention, the others are doomed. They won’t integrate into society but will have to be treated with special care and time just to squeeze a modicum of potential from their ADHD-addled minds.

And if you think this is just about young children, oh no, you would be wrong. Even teenagers are finding it hard to assimilate. They’re morons too. Information is easier to access than ever, and there was a scientific study that proved we are most likely to remember what we read if we are interested in the subject. Teenagers are in a more enviable position, but it’s all relative – You wouldn’t want them making life decisions for you.

Yes, we are far more likely to remember what we are interested in because the brain prioritizes, encodes, and consolidates information deemed important, emotional, or distinctive. Interest drives attention, and attention tags experiences for long-term storage in the neocortex, while irrelevant or mundane details are discarded.

The question remains, how can they really know what they’re interested in when the internet shows you, to quote the great Bo Burnham, “a little bit of everything all of the time”?

Exo